Most new parents are surprised to learn how often their baby wants to breastfeed. You might have expected that they would feed every 3-4 hourly and sleep soundly in between. If this was you then you might feel that your baby is feeding constantly and may start to worry that they’re not feeding very well, or that you might not have enough milk. Somebody might tell you about tongue tie and you start to worry that maybe that’s why your baby wants to feed so often. But babies feed for many, many reasons – and hunger is only one of them! Read on to find out why your newe baby might be wanting to feed again, even if you feel like you’ve just fed them already.
Recently, one of my adult children was heartbroken. They arrived at my home early in the morning while I slept, quietly entered my bedroom and as I rolled over in bed to see who it was, they slipped into my arms, curled up and began to sob. Still groggy and half-asleep I held them close and stroked their hair, kissed their head and rubbed their back, whispering comfort and waiting for their tears and sobs to ease. As we lay there together I had no idea why they were so upset. I just knew they needed me. They needed their mum. So I gave myself to them. Without questions. Without thought or query or hesitation.
In that moment I couldn’t help but be reminded of all the hundreds of times I had held them and their siblings to my breast as babies (and later as toddlers) feeding, comforting and nurturing them with my presence, my warmth and my milk. I realised that breastfeeding taught me this. Breastfeeding taught me not to question what was wrong with my babies, or why they wanted me, but just to respond to them as they needed me to. I soon learned that it didn’t matter if they were hungry or thirsty or in pain or sad or cold or lonely. I didn’t need to understand the cause of their need. Just to recognise that it was there and respond to it. It was so simple.
Before I had children I studied as an early childhood educator, working with babies, toddlers and preschoolers from 6 weeks to 6 years.in long daycare settings In my studies I learnt, amongst many other things, theories of early childhood development. Erik Erikson’s theory of Social and Emotional development particularly resonated with me and came to be the cornerstone of my own personal philosophy, fundamentally informing my approach to the care and education I gave to both the children I worked with at the time, and later to my own babies. Erikson proposed that social and emotional development progresses in stages, each based around a particular conflict centred on either developing a positive psychological quality or it’s opposite. Either mastering or not, and achieving a sense of competence or incompetence, in a specific area of life at each separate stage. And that the ways in which babies and children are cared for significantly influences the outcome of each of these conflicts and therefore what we would call the child’s “personality” – across their entire lifespan. In other words, how we care for our babies influences what type of people they turn out to be
In the first 12-18 months of life (infancy) Erikson suggested that the major conflict that babies are resolving in their own minds is that of the conflict between Trust versus Mistrust. This is the most fundamental stage of life as the child is so utterly dependent upon their caregivers for survival and nurturing. Having caregivers who are consistently available, loving and responsive to the child’s needs and communications allows children to acquire a sense of trust, not just in that adult, but in the world as a safe place. The outcome is that the child gains a sense of hope and openness to new experiences, allowing them to confidently explore and learn about their environment and so develop all the other skills they need in life, both physically, socially, emotionally and cognitively. In this way social and emotional development underpins growth across all the other areas of development. So I knew before I had them how important caring responsively to my babies would be. And I had confidence that doing so could only be positive, allowing me to easily ignore the many voices urging schedules and routines and clocks and times, warning me of “making a rod for my own back” or “spoiling” my kids. I just listened to my children and followed their signals. It was as easy – and as difficult – as that.
Later, in my training as a volunteer breastfeeding counsellor and when studying for the IBCLC examination, I learned about all the many reasons why my babies may have wanted to breastfeed in any given moment. I learned that breastfeeding eases pain for babies, and can actually be measured by the levels of stress hormones in their saliva. That it helps to equalise the pressure that builds up in the middle ear when a baby has an ear infection, actually relieving that pressure and pain. That it releases endorphins, feel-good hormones, that relax and calm them. That breast milk contains endocannabinoids – yes you read that right – our milk contains our own version of cannabinoids like those that occur in marijuana! These special fats that occur naturally in our milk, help to establish normal function of the nervous system. They make our babies feel good. They also trigger hunger and promote growth development . This rewards our babies for feeding and triggers their appetite, teaching them that feeding feels nice and encouraging them to come back for more, ensuring that not only do they receive enough milk, but that their food supply is protected and maintained. The more milk that the baby removes from the breast, and the more often they feed, the more milk the mother’s body will make. The cannabinoids in our milk are actually vital to ensuring the development of our baby’s appetite and urge to suckle.
I learnt too that the act of breastfeeding, and the skin to skin contact involved, calms babies physically, regulating their heart rate, their blood pressure, their breathing, their blood sugar levels and their temperature, helping them adapt to life outside the womb. That the temperature of our breasts raises or lowers a full degree celsius from baseline to warm our babies if they’re cold and to allow them to cool if they’re too hot. That it lowers stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, allowing an upset, frightened or distressed baby to regulate emotionally and psychologically as well as physically.
Your baby’s unrestricted access to the breast is imperative for breastfeeding to work well and easily. Your baby tells your body how much milk to make by removing the milk from your breasts. Mother Nature is clever, and she has designed this system so that a breastfed baby meets most of their neurological, physical, emotional and psychological needs through breastfeeding. And that frequent feeding and milk removal ensures the abundance of their food supply. It’s a built-in feedback loop to ensure the survival of our species.
The components of breast milk other than nutrition are often talked about. Many of us know that breast milk contains antibodies and other immune boosting compounds, hormones and beneficial bacteria. But not much is spoken about the act of breastfeeding from the baby’s perspective. For our babies, breastfeeding is a system of neurological regulation. It makes them feel good. From a baby’s point of view a breastfeed fixes nearly every problem they might have except for needing a nappy change! So, just as the components of our breastmilk are about more than just food, so too breastfeeding for a baby is about more than just hunger.
For our babies breastfeeding makes them feel safe and secure and looked after. It is how they feel loved and cared for. So just as we wouldn’t limit the amount of love we give to our babies, neither do we need to limit the timing or frequency of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding teaches us that we don’t need to know why our baby wants to feed. Just to recognise that they do and respond by feeding them. By caring for our babies responsively we teach them that they can count on us to be there for them. That they can come to us to have their needs met and we will meet them. And that forms the basis of the relationship with our child that stays with us right throughout their lives. So that even as adults, they know that they can come to us for love and nurture and comfort.
For a baby, breastfeeding is not just about food. It’s about love.